Multiple-Stories Matter!

When you make an image, an idea, a perception or a conclusion about someone or something, how often that is overruled by a Single Story? And If I say ‘Single story could be merely an outlet of your single perception, single experience with someone or something or a single story you have heard and seen about it’, will you believe me?

Most of the time, before my first lecture in any class, I am regarded as a student myself and the journey of my identity as a teacher only begins once I start lecturing or start my introduction as a lecturer. Why do you think that happens in most of my first classes?  May be because we are overwhelmed with the single story about the perception of teacher wrapped in Kurtis or Sari or a middle aged woman with books in hand and glasses on !!

A friend of mine from Germany calls Nepali Food as ‘Daal-Bhaat’ instead Daal-Bhaat as one of the Nepali Food. Why do you do think that happened? May be because she stayed in a place where Daal-bhaat has been only served and she didn’t explore enough cuisines around !!

We hear a story of a person from another person, make a perception about him or her with the story told to us and treat them accordingly. Does it sound familiar? Why do you think it happens to you? May be because we don’t like to keep ourselves in other’s feet to expand our horizon to multiple stories or may be we made up our mind about someone or something with a single experience we have!!

If you said Yes to my most of the ‘question marks’ above, then don’t you think you are under the danger of single story?

Now the question is how to get rid of the influence of the SINGLE STORY?

We, whoever is working in the social field, strongly advocate the need of ‘NON JUDGEMENTAL ATTITUDE’; but we almost forget that our brain is smarter and faster than we think. When is the last time you decide anything or thought any thought without being judgemental or influenced? When is the last time your brain automatically looked at multiple stories to conclude about something?

I know it’s absolutely difficult; it’s difficult to stop brain from being auto-pilot of its thought, difficult to pass judgement or stop reaction in situations, difficult to stop making impression of someone or something instantly?

But what if we have multiple stories already? Then, is it really impossible?

Of course NOT!

Here are few things we can do to help us ourselves to get rid being Judgemental; so next time if you think you will get trapped in being influenced by single story, mind these ones:

  • Learn about the Multiple Stories:

Learn more about the stories, people, places, beliefs, everything. Just have multiple stories about one single thing. Learn from Books, talk to people, visit to new places but just don’t make a perspective on the basis of single story you make. Let Brain to see the things from the multiple angles. So, next time when someone referred Africa as a country, your brain instantly says: No, it is a continent.
(You had Africa in your mind as a country, right? I told ya, Brain runs on autopilot and this autopilot was fuelled by the single story fed to us)

 

  • Listen More:

Have you heard the phrase-Reading in between the lines? Do it, literally!

We trust explicit information and it’s good to do so, most of the times. But there are also multiple sides of the same story, try to find what it implies then merely believing in the singularity of the explicit meaning.

So that next time when someone says something and you hold grudges toward that being, you read the lines in between the expressions, their situations and multiple factors before you jump into the conclusion of that being.

We listen slider

  • Be Non-judgmentally Judgemental:

Non-Judgmentally Judgemental, Interesting? I know, Right?

I never understood this concept when referred by one of my friend, Sujan, until recently when I am trying to explore more on having Multiple stories.
As we cannot stop our brain to stop working in its automatic mode instead what we can do is to feed it with multiple stories, perspectives, information, experiences, interactions so that we start giving benefit of doubt to people around, start accepting them the way they are automatically. If we cannot help ourselves being non-judgemental, at least we can accept the fact of ourselves being judgemental and accept the way we are and help our brain with the power of MULTIPLE STORIES.

(Got the idea? Confused?! Okay, we will discuss about it sometime again)

I know its Easier said than Done. I have had my own share of struggle to stop holding grudges and feeling bad about people and situations. I had my own share of instances where many decisions and explanations were done on the basis of single story, I still do that sometimes. But now, when I have known the power of PERSPECTIVES and MULTIPLE STORIES, it’s much easier for me to be non-judgemental and not get trapped in between the single story to come to the conclusion.

Ending with one of the very relevant story of my life:

I am asked, multiple times: Why are you so nice to people? How can you be so nice to everyone? How can you be so comfortable to be around to the person whom you exactly don’t like in person? Do you fake it or you are serious about being good to everyone?  My answer used to be, most of the time: After all, it’s just a life to live and why to not be nice to everyone.

 

But the UNTOLD answer and my Understated reason (which I share to very few ones) is: I do so, because of my strongest belief in the MULTIPLE Stories; multiple stories of the individuals, situation, places and their actions and belief systems. How can you judge a person with a single story you have of them with a single experience or single information?

Trust me, the time you start stopping to get stuck in SINGLE STORY and believing and exploring the MULTIPLE STORIES, you will be a different person.
Not just in your relationship, but in the information and perspective you build like in the video I have shared at the end.

Perspectives Matter!

Multiple Diverse Stories Matters!

P.S

I wanted to write something related to ‘Perspectives’ for sometime and my exposure to this video during one of the workshop I attended regarding ‘Narrative Approach’ encouraged me to pen down this article.

Link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9Ihs241zeg&t=20s

Why Do We Resist Change?

status quo

Say our politics, no matter how many alternative forces are there, we end up voting for the same old party who end up with same old-fashioned tactics of development; Say our mindset, no matter how hard we are optimist about change, we end up following same old traditional beliefs; And say our perspective, have you thought why it doesn’t want to shift no matter how much we are equipped with exposure of information and education??

It’s a tricky thing. After all, change is amazingly hard thing to do.

status quo

I had been trying to write this article for more than a month or so. I had exam in between and little weary to sit for a while and write. I didn’t want to change from my not-so still heavily felt exam pressure and I rather quitted the idea of writing on this.
WHY?

Because for me, shifting my exam schedule to write-up time was difficult.

It’s just an instance!!

Many of the times no matter how much we wish, we simply cannot change. Otherwise, why an educated female would carry her sanitary pad inside wrapped paper no matter how much she likes being a girl? Why a husband doesn’t want to do household work no matter how much he would respect his working wife? WHY?

We have a wonderful term in Psychology ‘Biasness’ which we like to refer as mental shortcuts which happens and we even don’t realize it happened. That’s where our resistance to change pop up!

Let me introduce few of them here. You never know next time when you are under the influence of cognitive bias, you can understand why it just happened and your self-awareness might just be helpful to keep it in balance!

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1.Ever thought why we do have ‘Gang of friends’ whom we call ours and just dislike other ‘without a definite reasons’?

In-Group Bias happens when we shape ourselves to conform to the group which we most strongly identity. This not only creates solidarity in the group but also increases group’s acceptance of us as members in good standing. This is why we overestimate the power of our group and discount others who don’t identify with us.
Next time if you are disliking another class mate of yours without a reason, just try to think why he is discounted. Who knows you are under cognitive influence of your larger group who dislikes him and you are just conforming that with your in-group bias!

2. Have you ever wanted to understand why we keep on snoozing the alarm clock no matter how much we planned to wake up and exercise the last night?

Current-Moment Bias is the term social psychologist use to justify this habit of ours. Research says, Most of us want to take pleasure from the current moment, while leaving pain for later.

3.Why do we often see people support to their own political parties or ideologies even though there is clear evidence of their wrong doings?

confirmation bias

Social Psychologist names this tendency as ‘Confirmation Bias’. This involves favoring information that confirms previously existing beliefs or biases. We seek out to the information that confirms or validate our logic discard the information what doesn’t confirm. Confirmation biases impact how we gather information, but they also influence how we interpret and recall information.  This makes us choosy to those information that support our beliefs and discard those that are against our beliefs.

4. In the recent cricket match between Kenya and Nepal, had you felt that Nepal would win a big time and exclaimed ‘ maile bhaneko thiye ni nepalle jitchha!!’’ after Nepal won the match or for the matter in any kind of events or sports?

If so, in psychology it is call ‘I-know-it-all-Phonenomenon’, i.e Hindsight Bias. We tend to overestimate what we know without having a base to it.

5. Do you think your friend got the highest mark in her finals because examiner was favoring her because of her handwriting but you got low mark because examiner didn’t know how to check the answer paper correctly?                                                                                                                                              

Also, How much you attribute the reason to be situational when your child misbehave and how much you attribute to the parenting style when  someone else child misbehave?

If you are doing so, you are falling in the hand of ‘Attribution Biasness’. We tend to attribute or give reason to our problems as because of external reason and someone else as their own faults.

6. How often you think your friends think like you with the number of likes in your status? Do you think they are (all of them are) consenting on your way of belief?

If so. Give a second thought. We have a tendency to overestimate the degree to which other people agree with our beliefs, values, attitudes and behaviors. This creates a false consensus, which can influence our decisions and behaviors. Social Psychologist calls it False Consensus Effect. And it might be deteriorating  for your self-esteem if you keep on overestimating and when actual time comes to act, when not many people support your belief.

7. Does your impression of a candidate being a good public speaker lead you to feel that she is also smart, kind, and hard-working? Does thinking that a particular actor is good-looking also lead you to think that he is a compelling actor?

If you are doing so, It is another kind of cognitive bias which psychologist say ‘Halo-Effect’. Next time, when you are choosing whom to vote or which seminar to attend or which teacher to take supervisor, make sure to realize either you are evaluating with one trait or overall impression?

 

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8. Despite the health risks imposed by inactivity and health benefits by doing exercise why many people still prefer to engage in unhealthy behaviors like not exercising or eating fatty foods?

We have tendency to refer to immediate past experience to choose the immediate future plans. That is referred to ‘Availability Heuristic’ which is one of the cognitive biases.

Our brain is, most of the times, to lazy to  give much mental effort to help us out in making plans so it refers to latest immediate happenings as Heuristic (mental shortcuts) to help us in our decision making, which sometimes be detrimental in our decision making. Availability heuristics is greatly increased by the availability of the immediate information we can have. For the above example, it might be the role of media that induces people to engage in availability heuristics. For example its known fact that people die many times more by cancer and diabetes than by accidents and murder. But newspaper and media tends to give more focus to accidents and murder than health issues which makes the issue of health less important than the dangers of murder and accidents.

9. How many of you really believed that 2012 would be the end of the world?

You repeat a lie hundreds or thousands of times it becomes the truth. That phenomenon is called the illusion of truth. This is the tactics very often employed by the politicians. And sometimes we might be doing the same thing unknowingly. It creates the illusion of truth which can aid to status quo .

Don’t you think we are making many racial/ethnic statements just due to our Illusion of truth. May be!

In a nutshell, our cognition is a vast subject to study and think of. These are very few biasness which we call, from psychological lenses, cognitive biasness which we are using in our daily life (even without noticing that we are doing it). This can be detrimental for our fully functioning capability of intellect, decision making and rational thinking.

Make sure you are aware of these (and many more if you wish to learn about it. Do it from our Google-Guru or Psychology Books) in your day to day life. It can save many things- your effort, your relation and your rationality!

 

 

 

My Guilty Pleasure

 

download-1Last week my brother sent me a packet of ‘ Hershey’s Kisses’ and I finished 100 choco-pieces in just two days all alone. No matter how I want NOT to crunch it one after another, I was indulged in the packet completely. My mind wanted me to stop crunching while my taste bud wanted to have them all at the time. I was feeling satiated with my choco-love at the same time feeling strong distaste toward my craving. How can that happen?

Was it my guilty pleasure? May be…Yes!

And I am pretty sure many of us have our own set of guilty pleasures. And we love them, don’t we?

My love for chocolates and brownies; My best friend love for scrolling twitter all the time; My another friend attachment with couch and TV, my another colleague love of  shopping are few of the pleasures that we feel guilty about after our long indulgence.

BUT STILL Why we do what we don’t like to do? Have you ever thought about it?

Psychology gives a lot of attributions for this. It says habits like this develop due to Low Self-Esteem or due to lack of internal motivation, due to lack of your will or due to your faulty learning.

So damaged is already done! We already have our pleasure which we feel guilty at the end.

So, let’s work on together towards this for now.

Firstly, GUILTY PLEASURE IS GUILTY. Let’s ADMIT IT!

I love the word ‘Guilty Pleasure’ but I doubt it’s meaning sometimes. How can something be ‘Guilty’ and ‘Pleasurable’ at the same time. If it’s pleasure, don’t hide it. If it’s comforting you, if it calms you, set a time for the pleasures. Schedule and Indulge in it. But if it is ‘Guilt’, it’s going to give you guilt no matter what. Accept it.
For example, you find twitter a ‘Guilty Pleasure’. You spend 5 hours a day in twitter. Every time you use it-get pleasure and later feel guilt about it, where will it take? Nowhere! First realize what is more important to you, getting pleasure from twitter or you being guilty having wasting time in social media?
Don’t lie to yourself. And Separate GUILT and PLEASURE. It should work.

Secondly, dilute your guilty pleasure with other forms.

How can you do that?

If you indulge in brownie like I do. Make Brownie your ‘Reward’. Every time you eat healthy for a month or get your work accomplished, give yourself a point as a ‘Brownie’. Here your pleasure won’t be guilt; it’s a diluted and became reward now.

 Third, Have a friend to Monitor.

Why Guilty Pleasures are guilty? Because we feel guilty after the pleasure, exactly like I did after my 100 pieces of choco-crunching; I didn’t tell my mom about it. I felt guilt for bingeing unhealthy. Rather If I had my mom to monitor my unhealthy binge, I would have those chocolates eaten for a week not in two days.
Likewise, share with your friend the trouble you are having and let them help you make schedule or monitor your pleasures which you feel guilty about.

Lastly, Consciously Jot down all your ‘Guilty Pleasures’ and Watch out!

Make sure you have your lists of thing that you feel like doing but feel bad about after doing them. Make sure you understand it’s the guilt because they are harmful or negative or deteriorating for you; not because somebody say so.
If you think you feel good and healthy in your skin, you don’t need to validate the society which thinks skinner are beautiful by giving up your pleasure of indulging in healthy food. But if you think too much of shopping is not about validation but about your internal will, watch out. Make shopping schedule, try to buy it for purpose.

If something is being addictive. Try to seek help from your friend or may be professional. But if your pleasures are manageable, do it by yourself. Just make sure to list out them all and rank them in order of Goodness and Necessity.

You shouldn’t feel guilty about if it gives you pleasure. It’s either PLEASURE or GUILT. If it’s pleasure, you don’t need to validate the society or do not need to try to fit in if you don’t feel like.

But, if that is ‘GUILT’, make sure you understand the consequences and try to work on this rather than being guilty about it and doing nothing.

Now, In a Nutsell, my choco-love is my pleasure which I enjoy and which I am not giving up on. But me gulping ‘100 Pieces of chocolates’ just in two days is the GUILT. It’s not healthy and I will make sure to dilute my guilt in other forms now onwards.
So This 2017, why don’t you try to work on your Guilty-Pleasure?? I mean Guilt and Pleasure! 😀

Psychology and Mental Health Celebrated

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At inauguration!

 

Psych Youth Mela-2016 was the joint effort of the Master’s level students of Padmakanya Multiple campus, Central Department of Psychology, Tribhuvan university and Trichandra Multiple Campus which was held at Padmana Kanya Multiple Campus on Saturday 24 September, 2016. The event was conceptualized and designed by Psychbigyaan Network Nepal-PNN.

The 3 different campuses where Psychology is taught in post-graduate level showcased various demonstrations, exhibitions, psychological experiments, psychological assessments, mental health information desk and many more. Like wise many other organizations like RhythmNeuro Psychiatry Hospital, Tribhuvan University teaching hospital, Ankur counseling and training center, Counseling Psychology and Social Studies College (CPSSC), The relief trust, Gestalt in Nepal and many other organizations/groups had the stalls where they could directly communicate with visitors. 35 different informational stalls were installed in the event.

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A stall showcasing Psychological Demonstrations..
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35 more stalls all around with many information and psychological and youthful demonstrations

 

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One of the Psychological Assessment happening…In picture : Piyush, MA TU.

Likewise, ‘Relaxation Room’, ‘Stress Management Room’, ‘Psych Videos Show’, ‘Hypnosis Demonstration’ were happening in individual demonstration rooms.

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Hypnosis was live demonstrated to visitors who were interested in one of the room in the Mela.

The formal program was from 11 AM to 4 PM. The program was initiated after the inauguration by lighting the light by Assistant Dean of Tribhuvan University Proj. Dr. Rajkumar Panday, followed by the Welcome note by Program Coordinator (Click Here for ‘Welcome note by Program Coordinator’) and short speeches by Prof. Dr, Santa Niraula (Central Department of Psychology, TU), Assistant Prof. Kishor Thapa (Department Head, PK Campus), Assistant Prof. Dr. Mita Rana (Department Head, Psychology, TU). And the inauguration program was concluded by Prof. Dr. Renuka Joshi, Campus Chief of Padmakanya Multiple Campus.

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Formal Inauguration by Ass. Dean. Dr. Rajkumar Panday, TU which was accompanied by Psychology Department Heads of TU, PK and RR Campus along with Campus chief of PK campus

 

 

 

More than 2000 visitors visited all the stalls and the event throughout the day from 11 AM. The program was designed in such a way that poets, drama performers, singers, dancers could exhibit their talent in between the event. This let our visitors be refreshed by the performances throughout the day. Likewise, the fun highlight of the event was when informal program started at 4 PM with concert from PaSapi Band. It lasted from 4 PM to 6 PM which helped all the visitors, event management team and our stall-exhibitors get refreshed with the band’s musical performance.
The program’s themes were  ‘Let’s Talk-Let’s care’ and ‘Let’s Celebrate Psychology’ which reflected the celebration of Psychology in a fun fulfilling way and to generate as much as awareness possible regarding mental health amongst the youths.

'Band-PaSapi- performing and our dear audiences enjoying and grooving in the music after 4 PM. The sight was mesmerizing!
‘Band-PaSapi- performing and our dear audiences enjoying and grooving in the music after 4 PM.
The sight was mesmerizing!

 

 

Even Department Heads cannot stop grooving with students while ending the program. In picture (In sari), Ass. Prof Kishor Thapa and Minarva Jonche, (Depart Head and MA coordinator, PK campus)
Even Department Heads cannot stop grooving with students while ending the program.
In picture (In sari), Ass. Prof Kishor Thapa and Minarva Jonche, (Depart Head and MA coordinator, PK campusHere is the link of one of the performances in between the formal program : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5vlMRkgMek
Some Audiences enjoying the performance while other visitors visiting the stalls for information.
Some Audiences enjoying the performance while other visitors visiting the stalls for information.

We believe the motive to gather all the interested youths in psychology and engage them by showcasing ‘what is happening in the field of Psychology to visitors’ and ‘celebrate Psychology’ were successful.

Many students who were studying Psychology in various institutions and who were the visitors of the event have given good positive feedback. They told us that this kind of event was the first one which they witnessed. They added that the major highlight was amalgamation of information and performances which was happening for the first time in Nepal in Psychology/Mental Health.
Likewise stall exhibitors and visitors were giving good points on the event management and stalls placements. This was the biggest encouragement and motivation for us.IMG_1882

We believe the trend to Celebrate Psychology will be followed every year. Let’s get connected to talk more about this subject. And Let’s get connected to explore this subject.

0T4A2245Happy World Mental Health Day-2016.

All the photos of the events are uploaded here. Click Here-For Album 1   (Photo Credits: Pema Sherpa)

Click Here for the Album-2  (Photo Credits: Bharat Sunar, Padam Raj Joshi, Nikhil Bista, Bikash Rai and many other friends)

And the program is covered in the radio episode  of Manojigyasa: A radio initiative in Psychology and Mental Health. Click Here for the Radio Episode

‘Uncertainty हटाउने- एक निर्णय !’

 

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आज भोलि नेपालीमा लेख्न औधी मन पर्छ | सायद उज्यालोमा कार्यक्रम चलाएको नतिजा होला | जे भएपनि अंग्रेजीमा फाट्ट फुट्ट साथी संग बोल्ने गरेको बानि छाडेर पुरै नेपाली मा बोल्नु को छुटै मज्जा छ कार्यक्रममा | तर अनौठो पनि लाग्छ है प्रस्तोता हुन | आफ्नै रेडियो सहकर्मीबाट खिल्ली नउडेको पक्कै होइन |  एउटा रमाइलो उदाहरण हो मेरो ‘निर्णय’ को उचारण | धेरै पटक निर्णय लाइ ‘निंनए’ भनेर कार्यक्रम सकिएपछि हाँसोको पात्र भएको याद गरेर आफै हाँस्छु कहिले काहिँ  |

फेरी आजको यो लेख मेरो नेपालीमा खिल्ली उडेको बारेमा चाहिं  पक्कै होइन, आज को लेख अलिकति जटिल छ | आज ‘uncertainty’ को बारे लेख्न मन लागिराछ | यसो लेख्न बसेकी थिएँ , फेरी आफै ‘uncertain’ भए के लेख्ने भनेर | के लेख्न त बरु लेखुला, जे भएनी लेख्न रुचाउने मान्छे परे | अर्को ‘uncertainty’ भयो नेपाली कि अंग्रेजी मा लेख्ने ‘मेरो निनए’ गर्न | अचम्म, कति हो ‘जिन्दगीको uncertainty’ ; लेख के मा लेख्ने देखि, के बन्ने सम्म, कुन भाषामा लेख्ने देखी, १० वर्ष मा आफुलाई कहाँ देख्छु सम्म |

म आफुलाई सुल्झेको मान्छे ठान्छु, कहिले काहिँ अत्तालिने  बाहेक | सोच्छु ओह्हो ममा त ‘Clear Cut Vision’ पनि छ | एकदमै मन लागेर सुरु गरेको मनोविज्ञान पढाउने जागिर छ, राम्रै पढाई छ आफ्नै, मन परेको विषय  मनोविज्ञान मा काम पनि गरिराखेकी छु, सपना देखेको संस्था  ‘Psychbigyaan’ पनि खोलेको १ वर्ष हुन लाग्यो, संस्थाले  पनि राम्रै काम गरिराखेकोछ, uncertainty चाहिं  किन हो कुन्नि !!

सायद हो, आज को एकजना साथीसंग को कुराले |

कुरा गर्दै थियौं , ठ्याकै ‘Personal Mission Statement ‘ के हो भन्ने कुरा आयो, मैले भन्न सकिनँ  ; र अहिले यो लेखी रहँदा  पनि भन्न सकिराको छैन | म clear cut vision छ भनेर सोच्ने लाइ जिन्दगीको mission statement नै पो थाहा रैनछ , भयो त अब? यो त, लेख्न मन छ, के लेख्ने थाहा छैन जस्तो कुरा भएन र ?

अनि फेरी मनोविज्ञान मा आफै कतै पढेकी थिए  ‘How we can cope with uncertainty determines how our life is going to be?’ तेसैले uncertain भैरहन मन लागेन, बरु यसलाई मनन गरेर अगाडी बढ्ने फेरी पनि ‘मेरो निनए’ गरे | यहाँ फेरी सोचे, म जस्तै कहिँ कतै कोहि uncertain त हुनु भाछैन, त्यो बेलामा के गर्ने होला ? र निर्णय गरे एउटा लेख लेख्न, यो पालि आफ्नो सोच मा ‘certainty’ ल्याएर :

पहिलो : यदि कहिले uncertain भयौं भने, सबै भन्दा पहिला गर्नु पर्ने तेस्लाई ‘मनन’ | जब सम्म हामीलाई ‘केहि थाहा छैन है‘ भनेर थाहा हुँदैन , परिबर्तन पक्कै आउँदैन | कति रमाइलो होला थाहा नभाको सिक्ने उत्साहा राख्नु, नभए त सब थाहा छ, जिन्दगीमा uncertain केहि छैन भन्ने मा त के नै चाख होला र ?

दोस्रो: फेरी आशा मात्र राखेर त के नै होला र? त्यसमा  काम गर्नुको पनि छुटै मज्जा छ, होइन? आशा र सपनाले पनि धेरै कुरामा uncertainty ल्याउँछ  | सोच्नुस त, तपाई आशा मात्र राख्नुहुन्छ जिन्दगीबाट, तर के गर्ने थाहा छैन भने आशा को पोल्टो भरिंदा पनि केहि काम हुंदैन  र नैराश्यता बढ्छ, अनि त uncertainty त चुलिने नै भयो| त्यसैले काम थाल्यो भने, uncertainty को पोल्टो खुकुलो हुन्छ र सजिलो हुन्छ, मलाई जस्तै ‘Personal statement बनाउनका लागि’ |

अर्को: जिन्दगि लाइ जटिल त बनाइँराखेका त छैनौं हामीले? आफ्नो मातहतमा नभएको, आफुले control गर्न नसकिने कुरा सोचेर uncertain त भएको छैनौ? सोचौ है ? धेरै पल्ट रोक्न नसकिने समय र छुटाउन नसकिने परिबन्ध ले हामीलाई निराशाको खाडलमा लागिराखेको हुन्छ | सोच्नुस त, तपाइको हातमा नभएको कुराले कहिँ कतै जिन्दगीमा uncertainty त ल्याईराखेको छैन ?

फेरी अर्को जानीराख्न पर्ने कुरो: uncertainty ले पक्कै पनि निराशा र तनाब बढाउँछ, मनोविज्ञानको विधार्थी हो, यो चाही certain  भएर भन्न सक्छु | सोच्नुस त अन्तिम पटक तपाइँ तनाब मा किन हुनुहुन्थ्यो? रक्तचाप, शरीर गरुङ्गो कहिलेभएको थियो ? के गरौँ कसो गरौँ कहिले भएको थियो ? सायद uncertain भएर कुनै निर्णय लिन नसकेर त होइन? तेसैले एस्तो येही समस्या परेमा, तनाव घटाउने केहि उपाए अपनाउनु होला | साथीसंग मनको कुरा साट्ने, एक्लै बसेर मनन गर्ने, खेल्ने, दिमाग ताजा गराउने देखि म जस्तै तनावको बेलामा लेख्न मनपराउने भयो भने पनि धेरै फाइदा हुन सक्छ |

र अन्तिम : जुन कुरा भएकै छैन त्यो विषयमा  नसोची वर्तमानमा  रम्न सकेपनि uncertainty पक्कै कम हुनेछ | १० वर्ष पछि के होला ? जिन्दगीमा के होला ? काममा के होला? भोलि के होला? हामीले अहिले भन्न सक्छौं  र? त्यसैले  वर्तमानमा रहने गरे पनि uncertainty नामक डर बाट बच्न सकिन्छ | Psychology मा ‘Mindfulness: Being at present’ भनेर एकदमै चर्चित एउटा उपाय छ, जुन uncertainty को अवस्थामा काम लाग्छ  |

त्यसैले साथी यदि जिन्दगी | ‘certain’ छ भनेर कहिले सोच्नु भएको  भने, त्यो भ्रम हो भनेर बुझ्दा  सायद गल्ति नहोला | बर्खाको बेलामा पनि भोली पानी पर्ला कि नपर्ला भन्न नसक्ने हामी, पछी के होला भनेर जिन्दगीको uncertainty संग डराउनु कत्ति को उचित होला, विचार गर्नुहोस त ?

यी थिए म uncertain भएको बेलामा मैले अपनाउने उपाय जस्तै आज | अहिलेसम्म नेपालीमा कि अंग्रेजीमा, कुन विषयमा भनेर uncertain भएको भए, लेखेर पाना पनि भरिन्थिएन होला | यो लेखी रहँदा  सम्म मेरो ‘Personal Mission Statement’ अझै पनि uncertain नै छ, तर अन्तिमसम्म आउँदा ‘एउटा निनए’ के गरे भने ‘किन छैन भनेर अनौठो मान्नु भन्दा अब चाहिं के हुन सक्छ भनेर सोच्ने छु’ |

अन्त्यमा, ‘uncertainty’ र ‘निनए’ शब्दको छुट्टै  महत्तो छ मेरो जिन्दगीमा, त्यसैले ‘अनिश्चितता’ र धेरै ठाउमा निर्णय भन्न रुचाइंन है |
~~~ धन्यबाद ~~~

मेरो परिभाषाविहीन खुशी

मलाई खुशी के हो भनेर सोधिने प्रश्न जहिले अप्ठेरो लाग्छ | बोल्न रमाइलो लाग्ने मान्छे म, कुनै उत्तर त दिउंला, तर उत्तरपछी आफुलाई प्रश्न गर्छु –  के येही हो त खुशी मेरा लागि ?

खुशी के हो त?

मेरो लागि यसको उत्तर हरेक जन्मदिन पछि फेरिने वाक्य हो |

मेरो लागि खुशी हरेक अवस्थामा भिन्नै अनुभूति दिने महशुस  हो |

सायद, मेरो लागि खुशी हरेक भिन्न भिन्न मानिसलाइ भिन्न भिन्न अवस्थामा मैलै दिएको भिन्न भन्न खुशीको सबै व्याख्या हो |

मलाई प्रश्न जहिले पनि मन पर्छ | आज त्यहि क्रममा एउटा अर्को प्रश्न पाए, ‘हजुरलाई के ले खुशी बनाउँछ ?” लामो समय भएको थियो यो प्रश्न नआएको, आज चाहिं जीवनको एक चौथाई उमेर बिताइसके पछी पनि सटिक खुशीको ब्याख्या नहुँदा मन छटपटी राखेको थियो  |

बिहानदेखी सोचिराखेको छु , मलाई ठ्याकै के ले खुशी बनाउँछ ?

सायद रमाइलो मा, रमझम ले

दिक्क लाग्दा, एउटा गीत ले

लामो दिन पछी  घर फर्किंदा , ममीले बनाएर राखिदिएको चिसो जुसले,

कहिलेकाहिँ भीडमा मेरो कामको प्रशंसाले

सायद कहिले एक्लै हुँदा मिठो निन्द्राले

कसरी बिर्सिउं !! हरेक महिनाको अन्तिम को salary ले

ओह हो !! साथीहरुसंग साटिएको रमाइला याद ले

केहि राम्रो गरेपछि साटिएको मुस्कान ले

घरमा खाना खाने टेबलमा भएको हाँसोले …..

सोचीराछु के ले चाहिं खुशी बनाउँदैन ? ( फेरी यो भन्दैमा केहिले दुखी बनाउँदैन भन्ने चचाहिं होइन है, यसका  लागि अर्को २ पाना लेखे पनि अट्दैन, आज खुशी कै कुरा गरौँ )

अब परिभाषा कसरि दिउँ खुशीको म ?मैले उनलाई उत्तर दिए (२/४ second को सोचाई पछी) ‘सानो सानो कुराले’ |

उनले सोधिनन त्यो सानो सानो कुरा चाहिं के हो भनेर | म बचें उल्झन पर्ने प्रश्न थपिएन भनेर | हाम्रो कुरा मोडियो तर घर फर्कंदा महानगर यातायातको कुनाको सिटमा मास्क लगाएर आँखा चिम्म गर्दै सोचे ‘सानो सानो चाहिं के कुरा हो कुन्नि?’ |

मलाई खुशी को एउटा व्याख्या  नबनाई भएको थिएन| होइन कसैले फेरी सोध्यो भने के भन्ने होला, भएन एउटा व्याख्या त हुनुपर्छ सायद |
मनोविज्ञानको विधार्थी म, खुशी भन्ने emotion आउँदा के के परिबर्तन आउंछन मलाई थाहा छ | त्यो भन्दैमा खुशी के हो भनेर परिवर्तनलाई व्याख्या  गर्नु त मिलेन | नभए भानिदिन्थे ‘खुशी? ओह्हो यो त तिमीले मन परेको कुरा हुदा, ब्रेन ले serotonin हार्मोन निकाल्छ अनि तिमी मुस्काउँछौं , हो अनि त्यही हो खुशी’?

के त्यति हो त खुशी?

तर फेरी अस्ती भर्खर म आँखा भरि आँसु लिएर पनि त खुशी भएको थिएँ नि त, त्यो चाहिं  के खुशी थिएन?

यो अन्योलबाट निस्किनको लागि धेरै बेरको अन्तरिक द्वन्द र सोचाइ पछी सोचे, खुशी त मेरो लागि ‘एउटा absract painting हो’, जसरी मैले जहिले व्याख्या गरे नि भयो |

व्याख्या छैन भनेर खुशी हुन त छोड़दिन | सायद, मेरो लागि खुशी यहि हो | अंग्रेजीमा भन्छन ‘contentment and settlement is happiness’ , मेरो लागि ‘contentment and settlement in the moment is happiness’ | सायद मेरो परिवर्तित खुशीको कारण पनि त्यो moment कै contentment होला |

मेरो लागि खुशी त्यो हरेक पटक परिवर्तित व्याख्या हो जसले मलाई महशुस गराउँछ कि ‘किन र के ले खुशी बनाउँछ भनेर सोचेर अड्किनु भन्दा आफु खुशी छु भनेर सोच्नु ठुलो खुशी हो” | मेरो लागि शब्दमा ढाल्न नसकिने खुशी नै खुशी हो| मेरो लागि हरेक नयाँ कुराले ल्याउने राम्रो परिवर्तन नै खुशी हो |

सबै भन्दा ठुलो खुशी, सायद अहिले को अबस्था मा ‘म संग खुशी को एक-वाकीए अर्थ नभएको’ अबस्था नै खुशी होला जसले मलाई सधै सम्झाउछ कि मलाई खुशी तुल्याउने एउटा वाक्य खुशी नभएर सयौँ  कुरा र कारण छन् |

अर्को पटक फेरी मलाई प्रश्न सोधियो र नयाँ परिभाषा आयो भने तब सोच्नेछु कि एउटा अर्को कारण भेटिएछ खुशीको | फेरी आज प्रश्न सोध्ने बहिनीले फेरी सोधिन भने सायद भन्नेछु ‘‘परिभाषाविहीन’ खुशी नै मेरो सबै भन्दा ठुलो खुशी हो’’ |

बुझ्न गाह्रो होला उनलाई तर मेरो लागि त्यहि नै खुशी हो |

अब तपाइंको खुशी चाही के नि ?